In general, women are our society’s caretakers. From the time that they are little girls, they are caring for their dolls and perhaps even their pets. As women grow into adulthood, they care for their spouses and are generally the ones who provide the primary care for children (down to providing the sustenance that helps children grow and thrive). As their children grow and become self-sufficient, many women end up caring for their parents (and sometimes even their in-laws) as they age and need assistance in their daily living tasks.
As anyone who has been a caregiver can attest, it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically. Giving so much of yourself to another is a tremendous gift to them but it can literally zap your energy and take away your ability to think clearly and logically. In giving so much of yourself to others, you often stop caring for yourself (especially if you are doing what thousands of women are doing by working at a job while performing caretaking duties).
As you plan for your life in retirement, have you stopped to think how your life in relationship to those you care for will change? If not, it’s time to consider these possible changes.
The first change can be a double-edged sword, positive and negative. Once you are retired from your job, you can spend more time in care giving to others. This can be wonderful for them because they get much-needed attention that enables them to continue to function and it can be a positive for you as well because you feel like you are making a positive difference for someone else. Having more time to care for others can also quickly lead to burn-out (for you and sometimes the person you are caring for).
When you retire, consider talking to the person for whom you are caring and ask them for alternatives and what they want to do in this new situation. Sometimes, insurance will provide respite care. In some areas, community-based are provides an alternative to family care. Before you are burned out as a care giver, make sure that you have explored all of the alternatives.
The second change will be your control over your daily schedule. Just like when you worked, it is a good idea to keep a written or electronic schedule. By allotting time to certain tasks, you can make sure that you are giving time to others as needed but you can also pencil in time for yourself as well. The time for yourself is vitally important to help you rejuvenate and recharge your batteries for yourself and others. You can also see where you are over scheduling yourself and correct the problem before it gets out of hand.
The third change (or enhancement) is to schedule time just for you. Exercise is especially important because folks sometimes gain weight when they go through a milestone in their lives (and retirement definitely fits this category). Even treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure or massage. In many cities, a beauty or massage school has a greatly reduced price in return for a bit slower service. (I don’t know about you but I have never complained about someone being too slow during a massage!). Being kind to yourself doesn’t have to cost much but it definitely does have to happen on a regular basis.
The bottom line is that you must care for yourself as much as you care for others now and after you retire. By doing so, you are maintaining the ability to give others what they need while retaining your health and welfare. To coin a phrase, it’s a “win-win.”
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